Friday, September 21, 2012

3 months later

Life has changed in the past 3 months.  I am feeling like I can connect with people again and the haze has lifted some.  I am guessing that is because I have been back at work and I have been so busy that I don't have time to think or breathe.  Most everyone who has wanted to share a bit about Buddy has shared their bits and pieces.  I have written somethings and I have the intent of sharing.  And so far I haven't.  I have reviewed and tweaked my pieces.  I'm not sure what I was trying to get out of them.  I guess I have the feeling that anything less than perfect will not be good enough to share.

Or maybe because it is long, I worry that no one will want to read.  I sometimes feel like he is a piece of my imagination and that is not how I like to feel.  My aunt recently shared some pictures taken at Buddy's funeral.  The pictures are of me standing with him.  It is painful to realize that those are the last photos, the last moments.  I feel like I should have shared something more than Roll Tide.  Maybe this is why I haven't said my piece.

So I have run across a few pictures that I didn't remember I had taken, and I can't articulate the pain and sadness they bring.  At the same time they bring me peace.  Those are the types of things that can't be described in words.  I will hopefully be able to take the time to tell a story.  But tonight I am going to try and rest.  So hug a love one, give a kiss, and make amends if needed.  This life is short and regret is a heavy burden. 

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